Looking for the Sunrise

  On June 25, 1996 I was a young, just shy of 20 year old bride marrying her best friend in front of family and friends. It wasn't a perfect day. There are still things I would go back and change but I would definitely keep the groom. 23 years later, that choice is still the best choice I ever made. How young we were, but even in my youthfulness I knew that Bobby would love me and take care of me whatever life threw at us. I was dead on correct, just saying. I hoped I could be the wife he deserved, I'm still working on that. Bobby and I have been through a lot, probably no more than any other married couple but our story is ours and I choose to celebrate it every chance I get. We are ridiculously in love and I can't quite imagine how the past 23 years has flown by so quickly. For the past 23 years Bobby has been my rock. He holds me when I feel like I am falling apart. He prays for me when I have no words to speak. His hugs give me strength and his smile......

So my car died on Saturday... and not in a small, simple to fix way. Nope, not my beast. It is a super big problem with a price tag to match... heavy sigh. As upset as I am, I know there are far greater problems and I can work around this one for as long as it takes us to save up for the repair. If I believed yesterday that 'Beauty exists in everything,' I have to believe it today even though there are super crappy circumstances in our life. It kind of sucks when we have to practice what we preach or live out what we say we believe. When we are dealt a blow, we get to choose how we respond. Don't get me wrong, I am pretty upset and feeling really quite at a loss as to what we do next but I do know that I can choose to be overcome by it or I can choose to overcome it. I'll let you know which side wins 😉 Also my sabbatical from Facebook begins again today, mostly because I use it as an escape and that isn't always healthy for me. It was a valuable tool in being p...

Quick ramble... blog post challenges just don't seem to work for me... I guess I'm better off going at my own speed and writing when the mood strikes. So I guess what I'm saying is this blog will likely never be a daily thing and that's alright ... I'll probably try another challenge at some point but I'll probably also fail at that one too ;)   So... brokenness. It's a sad word isn't? There isn't much about it that sounds hopeful or even a little bit happy. It brings to mind, shattered vases, destroyed relationship, heartache, sorrow, lament. It's a picture of 'things gone wrong.' It's a place none of us what to be in and yet... we all end up there eventually. Brokenness is just a part of my life right now. It has been for many weeks. I often feel that I am coming apart at the seams and that I just can't take one more thing but somehow that one more thing keeps on coming and I am still in one piece. And so it begs the qu...

I wasn't sure when I would be able to blog again or what I would write about if I did. These past 8 days have held so many special and difficult moments, I am at a bit of a loss as to how to share them. Part of me thinks they are best held close to my heart and not shared. Another part of me wants to share it all. I think what has been most important this past week is the friendships that have been renewed or deepened. I have recognized this week just how many amazing friends I really have. To share in this grieving process with those who truly understand has been a gift. To be able to be held by and hold others has given me such strength and hope . There is this thing in my life that always makes me feel a bit less than, I know it's all in my head but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. I don't really want to say what that thing is because it's not just about me but what I realized this week is the friends in my life who have become my chosen family have...

Grief has visited me once again. And for all the people I have lost in the last 4 years, this one hurts so differently, so deeply. I didn't know that grief could change my taste buds and make me so afraid to close my eyes. I didn't know you could wake up all ready in tears. This is different. This is the pain of loosing someone who isn't old, who isn't sick but who is your own age and who shares your everyday story, This is different some how. In many ways I am still in shock and survival mode. And so I will write because writing is sometimes the only way I can even begin to let go of the pain. I first met Rose when I was dating one of her cousins. I remember how bright and cheerful Rose was at every family gathering. I really wanted to get to know her but back then my world pretty much revolved around 'the boy.' Fast forward quite a few years... Bobby and I have married, had our beautiful girls and settled  our oldest, AnnaRose into school life at Hillcrest...

When the roses bloom the tulips get cut back to make room for the flowers that bloom in the summer... and by this time, they look pretty awful anyway! I really love flower gardening, I like pulling weeds, tilling the soil, watering my flowers in the evening. I love the beauty that follows. It reminds me of life. As I pull weeds, God speaks to me of sin and bad habits, the things I need to pull from my life. When I cut back the tulips I realize that like my favourite flower, sometimes we have to cut back things for a season so other things can grow. If I didn't water my flowers they wouldn't last very long in this often dry hot climate of southeast SK and the same goes for relationships in my life, if I don't take care of them, they too will wither away instead of blooming into beauty. If you don't understand how to take care of a certain kind of flower, you either have to learn or risk killing it off. The same thing happens with a new friendship. Flowerbeds area pret...

Somehow today I ended up being a stand in parent for one of my little buddies at Tra k and field day. It was hot but enough of a breeze to keep us all from dying! I'm also doing exciting stuff like laundry and hiding in a dark cool house... we have an early summer heat wave and after a morning out in the sun, I'm beat. One of the great joys in my life right now is the Young Adukt group that Bobby and I host/lead. We had a huge turnout last night and a lot of our regulars were missing. If everyone shows up on the same night I'm willing to guess we'll have close to 20 maybe 25! There are quite a few churches represented and a few young people who just really want to learn more about Jesus. It was awesome to hear how one young man found our group and how welcome he felt. It just makes my heart happy! We have a pretty busy weekend ahead. Lots of things to do, places to go and people to see. I am looking forward to all of it. Maybe next week I can start catching up with...

When I was a little kid, one of the highlights of June 1 was that I knew I would be able to make a long distance phone call to my very best friend. June 1 for my whole life has simply been known as Troy's birthday. This morning when I woke up, my initial thought was it's Troy's birthday and then I remembered that this is the second year that it isn't anymore... oh it's still his birthday, it always will be, but he won't age anymore... he'll always have passed away when he was 41. And now on June 1, I will simply remember him and smile. I will think of his widow and his sons, his sisters and brother and I will send a text to his mama to let her know I am thinking of her today. It's a funny thing, I planted a rose bush in his memory this year along with two other bushes, one for Leslie and another for Tessa... so far his is the only one that has really taken off and is right full of snowfire buds ready to blossom. It's sentimental of me to think...