Post 15... This is a tough one.

There are moments in your life that you will never forget, moments that stay with you, haunt you even. Yesterday morning at 8:14 I answered my phone and heard a tired sad voice that I did not recognize. “Susanna? This is Julie Younglove.” Not a voice I expected to hear and I knew the news would not be good but to hear that my childhood best friend had passed away was nowhere in the ballpark of my thoughts.

Me and Troy just chillin' :)

Troy was just 5 weeks older than me, our mothers’ friendship so close that the first stop after leaving the hospital when I was born was to show me off to Aunt Gerry and introduce me to Troy Boy. Our frienship was just meant to be and of course the family joke was that we would grow up and get married. ;) Pretty sure we all agree it's a good thing we didn't :)

I don’t remember life without the Youngloves. In a time when we moved constantly, the Younglove house was a constant. We went there for visits at least a couple of times a year back then. I could walk that house blindfolded still. I remember pretty much everything about it though I haven’t seen it in probably 23 years. Oh and the games Troy and his brother Damon and I would play, always full of imagination and mischief and LEGO, always LEGO!

Always together... How we hated this picture in our growing up years!

You couldn’t drag us apart when we were little, the visits were made the most of and as we grew up, we talked on the phone once in awhile… long distance was a precious cost then! I remember his go to question was always “have you seen any good movies lately?” I would get so frustrated because I wanted to hear about his life not his viewing habits. Our friendship was an amazing thing. As we grew up, we didn’t always embrace the changes it brought to our friendship but we made the most of it. Our childhood friendship was an amazing gift.

Our families were so intertwined; we were more like cousins or siblings than anything. Of course as time goes on life changes and circumstances pulled our families apart. My Mama and Aunt Gerry remain close to this day although not the type of friends to talk every day, they pick up where they left off every opportunity they get.

Troy and his son Joshua... 10 years ago.

When Troy and I were 18 we hurt each other badly, it hardly bears repeating now but our days of innocent friendship were gone and nothing was going to bring them back. I wrestled with that pain for years. Oh Troy and I tried to set things right but phone calls and letters just weren’t enough. Our lives had taken us far from each other and we just didn’t connect like we had. We were both happily married and raising our families. It was enough to know the other was happy I guess but I missed him.

 

Troy, Damon and I reunited!

10 years ago, my Aunt Gerry retired and her family planned a grand surprise party for her. Mom, Carolee and I were able to go. Seeing Troy that day was amazing, all the years of hurt and whatever had happened between us melted away in a moment. For that moment all was well and right. I’d like to say, everything was great after that but Troy and I never did manage to recapture out closeness. We weren’t meant to, we had moved on in our lives. Facebook messages and birthday greetings were about it but I always figured at some point we would see each other again and visit and laugh and share in old memories.

I can’t believe he is gone, that I will never see that face again in this lifetime. I will miss him. It feels like the tears will never stop. My grief comes from a deep place, rooted in the innocence of childhood. I have missed the friend who was for many years but the permanence of this is something else entirely. It will take time. Troy will forever be part of me. He was everything to me for the first 18 years of my life. He could make me so mad but he could make me laugh until I cried too. My life has not been part of his for a long time and my grief will lessen and I will move on. His wife though? I can’t imagine. I ache for her loss. And his boys? Oh I can’t even think about that. There is much unfairness about this. That they should lose their dad? It’s just not right. The grief of his family will be so much greater than mine for they will miss him in the everyday. Every moment he is not with them will be a fresh reminder of a life taken much too soon. And that makes me cry all over again. 

 

Rest in the arms of Jesus Troy Boy, you will be missed every day this side of heaven by so many of us. I love you.