Highlights, Lowlights and Defining Moments of 2014
So here goes my look back on 2014...
Since I haven’t updated my blog in forever some of this
isn’t going to make sense and that’s ok. Life isn’t always clear cut and
explainable anyway. Some lessons learned this year are so intensely personal I
won’t be sharing them here in cyber space but I have some thoughts about this
past year that are screaming to be heard and so here we go...
2013 ended in Canmore AB on a long awaited family vacation
that should have found me happy, relaxed and enjoying every moment but it wasn't. I was fighting a war within myself that was
overshadowing everything. I couldn’t fully engage in anything. I was exhausted
and feeling just a little bit crazy. That said, the trip holds some beautiful
memories and I am so glad we went. It was amazing to share the mountains with
my girls, to do things we hadn’t done before and just enjoy that time with my
family. New Year’s Eve with fireworks in the mountains is a pretty great way to
start any year!
The first part of 2014 was pretty uneventful really. We adopted
our pup Nova. Emily had a fantastic
basketball season! It was such fun to watch her be part of a winning team and
to gain so much confidence in herself.
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May and June passed mostly on auto-pilot. There were stand-out
moments as we celebrated Anna’s 18th birthday and had a big backyard
bbq when Emily turned 16. We enjoyed graduation with many of Anna’s friends and
said good-bye to the girls’ elementary school when Brenna finished grade 8. It
was a bitter sweet day for me as I said good-bye to the community that had
helped me raise my daughters. So many great teachers and support staff that
cared for and loved my girls and I was overcome with profound gratefulness that
my girls had the experience of stability all through their young lives. It is
something I have craved my whole life and to realize I had been able to give
that gift to my girls was amazing.
Bobby and I celebrated our 20th anniversary with
family and friends with another backyard bbq. It was such a blessing to be surrounded
by many who have loved and supported us on this journey so far. Anna surprised us with a lovely book and video that she had taken months to put together. It was an awesome gift!
Fall brought profound changes for me. I continued to meet with my pastor and he challenged me, in ways I doubt he even realizes, to look at life differently to see things in a new way, a more correct way. He let me carry on and babble about things and with one question would bring it all down to a core issue. It has been a good journey. My perspective has changed and I am much more confident and at ease with myself and who I am and who I am becoming. I am so very thankful for a pastor who listens with God’s ear (I can’t think of a way to explain or describe what I mean by that but it’s the only way I can express it) and isn’t afraid to ask a tough question and wait quietly for the answer!
For most of my life I have been searching for this elusive piece of the puzzle, the core issue, the thing I wasn’t seeing, that one piece that was going to make everything make sense. Imagine my surprise when it turned out not to be a specific event but simply the need to accept myself, to stop seeing myself through the lens of others but to just accept that I am who I am and that’s enough. The freedom to think and to grow that came with that has been amazing.
The first part of 2014 was pretty uneventful really. We adopted
our pup Nova. Emily had a fantastic
basketball season! It was such fun to watch her be part of a winning team and
to gain so much confidence in herself.
Brenna had another great success with her Day of
Silence with Free The Children. She even made Craig Kielburger’s twitter feed
this year!
And Brenna turned 14. It was a busy Happy Easter weekend
Then April 22st happened and everything changed.
That day would in many ways shape the rest of the year. Tragedy has a way of
doing that. I got the phone call from Brenna’s school that her teacher had died
over the week-end. That was it, no details, no information just that she was
gone. The world stopped for a moment about then. It wasn’t long before we
learned that Miss Dwyre had been murdered, her life taken from her in the most
senseless and cruel way.
Watching my baby girl cope with such a huge loss has taught
me much but at such a great cost. I have seen such strength and compassion and
heart brokenness. It changes you, watching your child suffer. I am so grateful
for her teachers and those that have journeyed with her though disbelief,
anger, grief and a host of other emotions. Watching Brenna sing at Miss Dwyre's memorial will forever be one of the most moving things I shall ever witness.
In the midst of all this Anna and Brenna finished off another synchro season.
May and June passed mostly on auto-pilot. There were stand-out
moments as we celebrated Anna’s 18th birthday and had a big backyard
bbq when Emily turned 16. We enjoyed graduation with many of Anna’s friends and
said good-bye to the girls’ elementary school when Brenna finished grade 8. It
was a bitter sweet day for me as I said good-bye to the community that had
helped me raise my daughters. So many great teachers and support staff that
cared for and loved my girls and I was overcome with profound gratefulness that
my girls had the experience of stability all through their young lives. It is
something I have craved my whole life and to realize I had been able to give
that gift to my girls was amazing. Bobby and I celebrated our 20th anniversary with
family and friends with another backyard bbq. It was such a blessing to be surrounded
by many who have loved and supported us on this journey so far. Anna surprised us with a lovely book and video that she had taken months to put together. It was an awesome gift!
Then came summer, a summer I was totally unprepared for. Four
camps to speak at and nothing prepared. Kids to get off to their camp
experiences and a 20th anniversary trip to enjoy. And nothing
prepared. I was depleted of emotion and so very tired. The first 6 months of
the year had drained me completely
God sustained me through a somewhat gruelling summer,
teaching me much about His faithfulness, His correction and His over-all
amazingness. I found myself by letting Him be my all. I was so empty but
everyday He filled me. This journey was by no means complete, it was only just
beginning. Enter our new pastor. What a blessing he has been. I don’t know if he quite knew what he was getting into that first time I entered his office “just to say hello” and left almost an hour later after pouring out my heart. I went back the next day and we visited for a long time and so began the next chapter in my healing. I am so thankful God brought this family to join our church family.
Summer highlights would take pages to share. It was a good summer for all of us. Bobby and I went back to the mountains and fell in love in all kinds of new ways as we shared a beautiful week together. As our family reunited through the summer, we enjoyed connecting on new levels and have grown closer as time passes. Oh yeah and I turned 40 and it was amazing. I took a journey of gratefulness the week leading up to my birthday and it was the best thing I could have done. It was a summer full of blessing even as each of us struggled through difficult emotions and transitions.
Summer highlights would take pages to share. It was a good summer for all of us. Bobby and I went back to the mountains and fell in love in all kinds of new ways as we shared a beautiful week together. As our family reunited through the summer, we enjoyed connecting on new levels and have grown closer as time passes. Oh yeah and I turned 40 and it was amazing. I took a journey of gratefulness the week leading up to my birthday and it was the best thing I could have done. It was a summer full of blessing even as each of us struggled through difficult emotions and transitions.
Fall brought profound changes for me. I continued to meet with my pastor and he challenged me, in ways I doubt he even realizes, to look at life differently to see things in a new way, a more correct way. He let me carry on and babble about things and with one question would bring it all down to a core issue. It has been a good journey. My perspective has changed and I am much more confident and at ease with myself and who I am and who I am becoming. I am so very thankful for a pastor who listens with God’s ear (I can’t think of a way to explain or describe what I mean by that but it’s the only way I can express it) and isn’t afraid to ask a tough question and wait quietly for the answer!
For most of my life I have been searching for this elusive piece of the puzzle, the core issue, the thing I wasn’t seeing, that one piece that was going to make everything make sense. Imagine my surprise when it turned out not to be a specific event but simply the need to accept myself, to stop seeing myself through the lens of others but to just accept that I am who I am and that’s enough. The freedom to think and to grow that came with that has been amazing.
The second most powerful lesson has been this... I have
always pictured my life with this wall in front of me that I had to climb over
and so I never got anywhere... what I have realized is that there isn’t a wall
ahead of me, it’s all the baggage I’m pulling behind me that slows me down. As
I lay those bags down, wow, am I ever picking up speed!
Fall was also a busy time for the family. Bobby and Emily enjoyed another season with the ECS ELECS football team. Brenna joined her sisters at the high school and discovered the love of soccer. Anna has been super busy with her graduation year. I can't even begin to write down all that the girls have done and accomplished these past few months. It has been a time of growth for all.
The winter season has been busy busy busy but I have not been overwhelmed, anxious or exhausted by it... ok maybe exhausted but a good exhaustion, a well earned one! I have enjoyed going into deeper waters with my faith, stepping deeper into relationships with others and just soaking as much out of life as I am able. I no longer beat myself up for past mistakes and am not so fearful to speak my mind. The time of growth for now has hit a plateau but I am quite certain that 2015 will hold a journey all its own filled with hills and valleys and new discoveries around the corner.
Fall was also a busy time for the family. Bobby and Emily enjoyed another season with the ECS ELECS football team. Brenna joined her sisters at the high school and discovered the love of soccer. Anna has been super busy with her graduation year. I can't even begin to write down all that the girls have done and accomplished these past few months. It has been a time of growth for all.
The winter season has been busy busy busy but I have not been overwhelmed, anxious or exhausted by it... ok maybe exhausted but a good exhaustion, a well earned one! I have enjoyed going into deeper waters with my faith, stepping deeper into relationships with others and just soaking as much out of life as I am able. I no longer beat myself up for past mistakes and am not so fearful to speak my mind. The time of growth for now has hit a plateau but I am quite certain that 2015 will hold a journey all its own filled with hills and valleys and new discoveries around the corner.
So that’s 2014 in a nutshell. The greatest lessons this year have come in times of struggle and fear and doubt but in the end I am so much better for it I have no choice but to be grateful for this, shall we say, difficult year. am thankful for the journey
God has led me on. I am grateful for the
friends that have journeyed with me. I would name you but I think this post is quite
long enough...
I think I'll do a better job of blogging in 2015!
I think I'll do a better job of blogging in 2015!
Thanks for sharing! It's good to hear what is often left unsaid, to catch a glimpse of the unseen. I wish we lived closer, my friend!
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