What comes next

I wasn't sure when I would be able to blog again or what I would write about if I did. These past 8 days have held so many special and difficult moments, I am at a bit of a loss as to how to share them. Part of me thinks they are best held close to my heart and not shared. Another part of me wants to share it all.
I think what has been most important this past week is the friendships that have been renewed or deepened. I have recognized this week just how many amazing friends I really have.
To share in this grieving process with those who truly understand has been a gift. To be able to be held by and hold others has given me such strength and hope .
There is this thing in my life that always makes me feel a bit less than, I know it's all in my head but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. I don't really want to say what that thing is because it's not just about me but what I realized this week is the friends in my life who have become my chosen family have gone a really long way in helping me heal.
My heart has been aching for a long time, searching for acceptance but being scared to open up to those around me. I have been working through this for awhile. This week has brought into clear focus the importance of building relationships, no matter how scary it may feel. Even though I will not be accepted by all or even by the ones I have deemed most important, I have to open to those around me.
Everytime someone dies, we always say we are going to love more, reach out more and yet we usually don't. I need this time to be different. I need to love and be loved.
There is much to be learned from grief, and I welcome the lessons even though they come at a high price. There are those that say I need to learn not to feel things so deeply but I disagree. I grieve deep because I love deep and I won't stop. The lesson I need to learn now is how to accept that deep love and acceptance from others.
This blog is going to be about that for the next while... I want to share stories of those who have impacted me with their love. There are many and I want to try to acknowledge them. I hope you join me on this journey.


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