Post 17... Surreal

As I lay here at 5am in my sister's living room waiting for the alarm to go off at 6, I am well I'm not sure... I don't really know how to feel about this day ahead, my emotions are still 'asleep'
How do I say good bye to a friend I haven't spent enough time with to really know but still feel like one of the best parts of me has been ripped out of my beating heart? The confusion is overwhelming at this early morning hour...

Today will be a hard day, a day where quite likely I won't know where I fit or belong. A misfit from the past in a group of people hurting in the present. It will be odd and painful.

What will I say to Julie? What will I say to anyone? I don't know, what words can possibly hold healing in this moment?

No words exist for this day yet. I know they will come but for now I am going to just be in this moment alone and grieve my friend.


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